Like, last week one of our managers caught an old man putting magnifying glasses under his shirt and start walking toward the exit.  He realizes he’s being followed and throws one.  She knows he took two so she follows him and tries to get his attention.  He keeps ignoring her.  Finally he turns around and gives it back and is like, “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!!!”  Hahaha.

Another time I had seen an old man shoving paintbrushes into his coat.  I asked him if he needed any help.  He jumps a mile, quickly turns around, and a handful of paintbrushes just fall out of his coat.  And he just goes, “…I NEED A BASKET FOR ALL THESE.  WHY ARE THERE NO BASKETS?”

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I responded to a distress call today at work. I have never seen my cashier so frantic before. She was so red in the face I thought she was going to have a stroke. I quickly found out why. As soon as I entered the customer service desk, I was attacked with questions about why my cashier was asking for personal information to do an exchange. SIDEBAR: Unfortunately, we do not do exchanges. This is because my company has yet to figure out how to get our ancient registers to do them. So when you want to bring back a picture stand and purchase jelly beans and vanilla extract, it is technically not an exchange! Back to story…I answered the irate customer with what our policy says. She told me it was illegal to ask her for personal information. I told her again that without a reciept, the policy is to ask for the information. She said all her information was on her credit card. (which come to think of it now meant didly squat since WITHOUT A RECIEPT YOU GET A STORE CREDIT!) Besides, she is all concerned about revealing her personal information but she is alright with waving her credit card around telling everyone in a mile radius that all her information is stored on it. Duh! So she tells myself and my cashier that she is going to take back her picture stand and she is going to get a statement from her credit card company. So I said ok. It seems like the word ok has become an offensive word because she went all cuckoo on us and demanded our names. I very quickly gave her my first name and she demanded my last name. When I told her it was illegal to ask for my last name she flipped and told me “oh but it’s ok to ask for my information” I realized then that I was talking to a higher being. This woman actually believes she is holier than thou. I quickly found out she never received much attention in her childhood and needed to get some attention from who ever she could by blasting me on Facebook. Spewing out lies about what I said and didn’t do for her. I didn’t ask her for anything. She never said a thing about a drivers license. She completely took the conversation she had with my cashier, and inserted my name instead. I had every intention of doing her not so even exchange because I don’t care about a $4 picture stand but she had to throw a tantrum and take back her item in order to get a credit card statement. I guess my time with my 3 year old has taught me to ignore tantrums so my response was ok. So on Facebook she goes on about how I refused my last name but went on to ask for her info. SO NOT WHAT HAPPENED YOU CRAZY WENCH! I am so relieved I did not give her my last name. Everyone who knows me, knows that I do not have a Facebook page because I don’t want to be found. My co workers think I am joking but what they don’t know is that I was physically threatened and stalked and because of him I cannot risk having my name on any website. Because this bitch has a hard on for attention, she would have put me and my child at risk by naming me in full and identifying my exact location on fucking Facebook. Karma is bitch!!!!!!

Today at work, this man in a snazzy suit bought ten red t-shirts. He asked for a coupon. Then he told me about his new t-shirt business. He asked if I wanted a shirt. I was joking with him and said, “Yes.” He said, “Yo what of?” So I said, “David Bowie.” He said, “What color you want it in? I make it fo’ you. I make it fo’ you right now. Right now. I serious.” I said, “purple.” He said, “What else? What else?” I said, “turquoise.” He said, “I make it fo’ you. Right now. Right now!”

I had to tell him not to.

I hate when customers wait for me to finish ringing up another customer in line, then ask, “Hey! Remember me?” when I don’t.

HOW COME ME AND BRIAN ARE THE ONLY ONES AT OUR STORE THAT HAVE TO WEAR THOSE RIDICULOUS RED SHIRTS?  THAT ONLY COME IN LARGE?  AND THEREFORE LOOKS LIKE A POORLY FITTING DRESS ON ME?  AND SAY “ASK ME ABOUT MY GILDAN SHIRT” OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?  At first I was excited that we were changing from blue to red and that we got actual t-shirts and not polos…BUT THAT WAS UNTIL I REALIZED ME AND BRIAN WERE THE ONLY ONES, AND NOW WE LOOK EVEN MORE LIKE MISFITS.  Hahah.  I’ll work it.  I’ll work the shit out of that red Gildan t-shirt.  But I am unsure of the motives.